Navigating the Elite: A Crash Course in Etiquette

Location: An exclusive 19th-century gentlemen's club. Mission: Survive a crash course in proper table manners. Challenge: A tabloid journalist, woman, eating like a slob. Join a journey into the sacred world of the upper class.

This is how the invitation to nobleman Björn Tarras-Wahlberg's luncheon on etiquette reads: “Dress code: Men in suits or blazers, shirts with ties or bow ties. Ladies are welcome. Briefcases or backpacks are not allowed.”

It seems I am something between a human and a handbag.

This probably means I need to be somewhat decorative.

Damn. Now I'm nervous.

But I take the mission to venture into the epicenter of the upper class seriously. So, it's beauty sleep, morning gym, minimal breakfast, triple-steamed dress, and makeup to the best of my ability.

Finally, I look in the mirror and realize: It doesn't get better than this. This is what we have to work with.

In good time, I check out from the hotel in Stockholm. I leave the towels neatly on the sink to make it easier for the cleaners.

On the way, I say “no, sorry” to a homeless man who kindly asks for money; I'm simply too stressed to deal with it.

“Have a nice day, anyway,” he says. And adds: “You look beautiful.”

That compliment came just in time because now I'm really nervous: Will I trip, spill, or say something stupid?

Lunch with the 'Knight of Strandvägen'

Noble lobbyist and former politician Björn Tarras-Wahlberg has received much love since the film about him, “The Knight of Strandvägen,” premiered on SVT Play in 2024.

His hobbyhorse, good table manners, got a lot of attention.

Now he is serious about starting an academy for good table manners. We are about ten people invited to the kickoff. As a tabloid journalist, woman, and Malmö resident, I am the odd one out. But I take the chance to visit a closed and for many unknown world – an upper-class lunch with a knowledgeable guide.

It's about dress codes and cutlery.

But also about kindness and consideration.

Etiquette can be about never wearing brown shoes after 6 PM and knowing the dessert fork – but manners are about holding the door for a fellow human and not always putting yourself at the center.

“I've been to so many fine dinners, and some people just talk about themselves, especially men. Sometimes I have to say: This lady has a high position.”

“It's a sure way to embarrass yourself,” says Björn Tarras-Wahlberg, who during his time in parliament led and won the campaign for female succession.

He hosts his lunch at one of Stockholm's orders societies, simply an exclusive gentlemen's club founded in 1800. Here, jeans and sneakers are completely forbidden.

The later in the day, the finer the people, I've learned, and therefore I'm excessively early. A retired fighter pilot who also arrived early converses with me kindly.

The host himself is fashionably late – but when he arrives, we are immediately invited two floors up to the Gustavian dining room, where the table is set. There are oil paintings, gilded mirror frames, and airy architecture as far as the eye can see.

'Never Empty the Wine Glass'

We sit down at the table. I pour water for my table neighbors and spill, but wtf? It's just water, and it must be the thought that counts.

“Water in a wine glass?” a lady says, shocked.

“The host did so, so I followed his example,” I reply, feeling like the teacher's pet, but the lady nods graciously.

Björn Tarras-Wahlberg gives a mini-lecture while the food is served. Fork for dessert, not small spoons as many think, he says. When the food is eaten, place the cutlery at half-past five. Never empty the wine glass; someone might want to toast.

“May I toast with you?” he says to me, and I raise the glass with a trembling hand but don't mess it up.

Five minutes later, I spill coffee on the white tablecloth. I glance around. Yes. I am indeed the only one who has stained it. Shit shit shit.

But as Chekhov said: “Good upbringing is not about not spilling sauce on the tablecloth, but not noticing when others do.”

Now we move on in life, folks.

'That's What Dogs Do'

Björn Tarras-Wahlberg admits that his own daughters have received their good table manners for free. But he also believes that it pays off for everyone to learn, so as not to reveal their background.

“Those who have bad table manners, they have no education. My mother called it 'truck driver' manners.”

“We take a good friend of mine. I love him because he is so skilled, technically. But he eats like a slob, I find it annoying. When he's finished eating, he even pushes the plate away! That's what dogs do.”

Have you talked to him about it?

“No, I find it difficult because I don't want to seem snobbish,” says Björn Tarras-Wahlberg.

When we break up, he has magically made every one of his guests feel welcome. On the train home to Skåne, I drink coffee and eat cheese balls straight from the package.