Kim Andersson Reflects on New Life: 'Hard to Come to Terms With'

Kim Andersson has bid farewell to his playing days but still dreams of being on the court. In an extensive interview, he opens up about his new role, not being able to end his career on his own terms, and his parents' relationship with their grandchildren.

– It's probably not fun for them that their son is talking like this in a newspaper, but it's the truth.

The sun washes over the pedestrian street in Ystad, where Kim Andersson walks with his towering 200 centimeters. It was here he came to start a new chapter almost 27 years ago. This June morning, he has just begun the next one.

A torn muscle in his shoulder made his career seem in jeopardy last fall. A personal setback, which we will return to, later motivated an improbable comeback on the court and eventually an SM gold with his Ystads IF team.

But now it's over, and this time it's different compared to his previous attempts to retire over the years. His shoulder issues mean he can no longer do himself justice.

– I've always been very careful to keep the door slightly ajar, but now it feels like the opening is microscopic. What allowed me to continue before is that I haven't just been shooting in my days but actually had other strings to my bow. But now it has felt very difficult that there have been good opportunities, and you haven't really been able to shoot.

'Living in Some Tutti-Frutti World'

We have just sat down at the local café when Andersson realizes he should have been elsewhere in town to act as a chauffeur for one of his sons. Fifteen minutes ago. A couple of phone calls later, he notes that at least he won't risk being idle in the future.

He rarely has time to stop and reflect. When he finally does, he falls silent for a moment before gathering himself to convince both himself and everyone else that his career is truly over.

– Yes, it's definitely over now, even if I paint it as open. In my dreams, it's absolutely so that I could imagine playing. It's still hard to come to terms with having to quit; it feels tough. Body and mind are not in symbiosis; in the head, you live in some 'tutti-frutti world,' but the body has a hard time getting up. In that way, it doesn't really feel like I've been able to quit on my own terms.

The 42-year-old, however, is not worried about what the lack of adrenaline rushes will do to him. Just an hour ago, he finished his first session as an assistant coach at Ystads IF, and he hopes the new role can become some form of substitute.

At the same time, thoughts are swirling in his head. Will he live up to expectations?

– I feel now that it's more frightening because I haven't gotten into it yet. You paint the worst scenario that it goes to hell and that you have to quit because you're too bad. But I hope to get into it over time so that you feel that you actually contribute something. It will be great fun.

'I Was Very Disappointed and Angry'

Previously, the plan was to leave handball behind after the active career, but when he started helping as a coach in one of his sons' teams a year ago, he got a taste for it.

– It's in handball that I have knowledge; if I were to venture into the real world, I don't have much experience. I've been involved in handball since I was a child, so I think it's stupid to throw it away; you have to try at least, then maybe it turns out that it's not for me at all.

Could it be a whole life in handball now instead?

– I don't know, I'm not one to make long plans, but now it's more about trying to find this. We'll take it little by little, but of course, I'm not averse to it.

Is there any concern that you have nothing else to fall back on?

– No, I also have no pretensions about what I should do afterward, but if it turns out that this doesn't work out, I'm convinced that I could find a job. I'm not afraid to speak for myself, and I wouldn't have made it this far if I didn't have some qualities that I think are attractive even in working life.

Last winter, he went for a job interview for the position of sports director at Ystads IF. He saw it as a perfect step in life and was determined to get the job. Therefore, the rejection came as a real blow.

– I was very disappointed and angry, but it drove me to come back to the court. So it did something positive, but there and then I was very disappointed. Plus, winter has never been my strong suit, so I was quite unstable from the start, so it didn't take much for you to kind of lose it either.

For those wondering what happens to Kim Andersson when he half loses it:

– I kind of gave up a bit and couldn't really come to terms with the arguments and so on, but then it wasn't more than that. It's just like when you're going to move house, you're good at moving into the new house before it's in your possession, and it was the same here. I cleared the air, and there are no hard feelings about it; now we move on.

'Now We Are Out on Very Deep Water'

Now it's the coaching bench instead at Ystads IF, which has become his team, in Ystad, which has become his city. He moved here from Kävlinge for the first time before high school after a complicated upbringing with parents struggling with addiction, which he has opened up about several times before.

– Without football, handball, and this team spirit, you don't know which direction it would have gone for you. For me, it's more about the uncertainty of if you hadn't had sports, what would have become of me then? You don't know, but I'm convinced that life wouldn't have been as positive if I hadn't had sports.

How is your relationship with your parents today?

– Not very good. It has more to wish for, absolutely. Yes, what can I say. I have a life with three children and a wife that takes up almost all my time when it's not handball, so I choose to focus more on that. I do my utmost for them to have it good, then beyond that, it is what it is.

Do you talk to your parents?

– Well, from time to time. Sporadically, sometimes. Not very often.

Have you forgiven them?

– Now we are out on very deep water, I feel, it almost becomes psychologist talk. Forgiven... I don't know. I have also never judged them for what they have done. For my children, I think it's sad that the relationship is as it is. That grandma and grandpa are not in the picture, absolutely. It has been discussed for many years, but it is what it is. I still want to believe that it's not easy for those on the other side either.

You mention that we are out on deep water, is it hard to talk about?

– No, I have been very transparent about it. But I don't want to sit and say something from my parents' side. It's probably not fun for them that their son is talking like this in a newspaper, but it's the truth.

When we leave the café, the door is simultaneously ajar. Just as it always is for Kim Andersson.

– It's probably not too late for us to find our way back in one way or another.